Thursday, June 18, 2009

Billy Jean (parody)

BillyJeanParody.ogg BillyJeanParody.mp3
I can't listen to a song on the radio without messing with the lyrics. Some are easier than others, and Michael Jackson's songs have always been pretty easy. I suppose that's why Weird Al has such a good time with him.


In any case, I noticed that Weird Al didn't touch "Billie Jean". Can't imagine why. So I decided to right that wrong. Of course, I didn't make it about food. There's probably some deep psychological reason why it twisted this way.

I've done dozens, maybe hundreds of parodies, but I usually forget them as soon as I write them. My way of saying that creativity lives, regardless of the incentive to focus it in any particular direction or write it down. That is, creativity lives without incentive, but the product of it may not.(I hadn't even thought about posting this until this morning. Thanks to John Carroll for the incentive.) Oh... and I know it's spelled "Billie Jean". This isn't that song.

Update: I originally said I wasn't going to record this at all. You all know how the tune goes and can apply the words yourself. What can I say? I was bored. The vocal track on this sucks, 'cause I really didn't want to sing it that loud (I recorded it at 1am) and because THIS IS A DRAFT. I'm not even sure how parts of it at the end go... I'd have to go back and listen to the Michael Jackson version before re-recording the vocals. And honestly, I'm unlikely to do this any better than I've already done it. The purpose of this track isn't to show off my the non-existent awesomeness of my Michael Jackson impersonation, it's just to give you some idea of how the song goes so you can be inspired to rush off and do it better yourself. As it is, I can't believe I spent any time on this piece of shit.

I tracked down a karaoke version of the song, but it was on YouTube. YouTube won't let you download anymore, and the recording industry has a corncob up their collective rear, so I had to capture the video stream, which turned out to be in Flash format that was not anything I could use, then convert it to an AVI video file that I could ALMOST use, then extract JUST the audio to a .WAV file and convert that to .MP3, which I COULD use. Then I could pull it into Audacity and mix in the vocal track, which sounded horrible (having been sung semi-quietly in the dead of night so as not to wake anyone), so I added echo and tried to smooth it out a little bit before exporting this horrendous mess to torture you with. I wasn't about to record twice.


It's got a lot of bass in it so it sounds better if you wear headphones or run it through a stereo rather than play it though regular computer speakers. (That's "better" as in eating raw turnips is better than eating fresh dung.)

I'm so ashamed.


Billy Jean (parody)
full version

Ooo, I was dating a beauty queen
Such a kinky scene!
And with the lipstick and Vaseline®
She was the one
On the bed, on the floor, on the ground.
She said I was the one
On the bed, on the floor, on the ground.

Then to a calling from up above
Oh, I lost my love
She said to me, "Dave I've had enough
Foolin' around.
So bye-bye. Moving to. Holy ground."

My preacher always told me
Be careful what you do
Don't go around payin' for your love
And so I have to ask you
Now what else could I do
To satisfy my lust?
I think I'm 'bout to bust!

Hey, hey!

Billy Jean is made of rubber
She's just a doll I blew up Tuesday for fun!
'Cause my girl became a nun!
Got no air in my lungs
Since my girl became a nun!

She left me breathless in every way
Ooh, I have to say
Just to inflate her took half a day
I don't have a pump
And she's dry as a bone when we hump.
Uh, so take my strong advice
Just remember to bring your K-Y®!
Bring K-Y®!

The Reverend Mother just looked at me
Said, “She don't want thee”
She sent me home to my Billy Jean
And we went down
On the bed, on the floor, on the ground.

My preacher always told me
Be careful what you do
Don't go around payin' for your love
And so I have to ask you
Now what else could I do
To satisfy my lust?
I think I'm 'bout to bust!

Hey, hey!

Billy Jean is made of rubber
She's just a doll I blew up Tuesday for fun!
'Cause my girl became a nun!

No, No, Now Uh
No, No, No, No, No
Now, Billy Jean is made of rubber
She's just a doll I blew up Tuesday for fun!
'Cause my girl became a nun!
No, No
Got no air in my lungs
Since my girl became a nun!
Hee Hee Hee

Musical break (7 measures)
Whhhhh! Whhhh! (inflating noises)

Got no air in my lungs
Since my girl became a nun!
No, No, No

Billy Jean is made of rubber
She's just a doll I blew up
No, it ain't just Tuesday, baby!

No, No, No
No, No

'Cause my girl became a nun!
No, No

You know what you did
breakin' my heart baby!

Billy Jean is made of rubber!
Billy Jean is made of rubber!
Billy Jean is made of rubber!
Billy Jean is
I call her Billy Jean!
It's such a kinky scene!


Note to the RIAA. This is a parody. PA-RO-DY. Look it up. Specifically, this song is a social commentary on the overtly sexual themes of the original Michael Jackson song. "Not my son", indeed. While selling sex to the masses we're to believe that the song's protagonist is an innocent victim who only dates saints and takes his preacher's advice. Mmm-hmm.

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